(You can choose or or both)

Saturday, December 21, 2013


Désolé, pas le temps pour traduire, essayez ici et ici.
(Found this here):
How?  How do I live with diabetes?  How do I manage my diabetes?  How have I lived it for the past 16 years without losing my sanity?

My most common response is usually very profound.  Something along the lines of, "I dunno.  I just do it."  For most people this answer is sufficient.  They aren't really interested in the deep dark details.  Dealing with diabetes is foreign to them and they honestly don't know how you live with diabetes.

Formulating an answer for those that really want to know, requires a little more thinking on my part.

I think most people understand diabetes to be one part of your life that has changed.  Whether it is that you have to watch what you eat, or that you have to give yourself shots, or that now you have to check your blood sugar before you eat.  To them it's just adding one equation to your life.  Everyone just eats and does what they want but now you have to solve for x. You plug the numbers in that other people don't have to think about and out pops a pretty little solution.  WRONG.  Being diabetic is more like trying to solve an equation using a bowl of alphabet soup.  It doesn't matter how many numbers you plug in there is still another layer of letters lurking underneath that you don't even know about yet.  And even if you do know about them you can't possibly know how all of them will affect your equation.  So you spend hours and hours plugging in numbers and trying to gather all of the information you can get your hands on and you still can't get a solution.  Sometimes you run into a bit of luck and all of your hard work pays off and you have some really good days.  But even though you try to do everything the same every day the weird numbers do eventually creep back onto your meter and you wonder what in the world is going on.

In my mind I have decided that my diabetes is my dance partner.  It's not the partner I would choose but for some mysterious reason it chose me and we will forever dance together.  Daily it leads me through an intricate dance of toleration and loathing.  As I learn the dance my numbers do better, and I feel better, and I don't mind it so much.  Sometimes it gets bored with one dance and so we begin a new dance and I stumble around until I know the moves again.  Each day I learn more about my partner and sometimes I can even predict what will happen. On the bad days I know that as long as I keep trying I will learn this dance too and I will be better for it.

Basically it sucks really bad and there are times when you just want to give up and cry but you don't.  Because all of the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days happen far less than the almost normal days do.  And when you measure yourself up to someone "normal" in your mind (not an actual person just your idea of the normal person) you realize that because of your evil little disease, you are better at multiplication, addition, division, and subtraction than the "normals" are.  You learned how to weigh your options at an earlier age and you are able to make better decisions because of it.  You have a better understanding of the feelings of others because for a long time you have been an "other" and you learned to deal with it, and it helps you be more sympathetic towards them.  Even though you might be well into your life you still find joy in eating a piece of cake because it's something you don't do on a regular basis.

No comments yet :